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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2012 15:27:13 GMT -5
Lol Raven!!!
That's a good one!!
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Post by newzealander on Oct 21, 2012 16:15:48 GMT -5
On the animal theme.... Attachments:
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Post by leilani on Oct 21, 2012 18:15:15 GMT -5
Lol those cartoons were cute. Although, now hubby is trying to get the dog to catch his tail. All that's going to do is get him hyped up before bed. The dog I mean.
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Post by kechibam on Oct 22, 2012 13:04:31 GMT -5
One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."
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Post by kechibam on Oct 22, 2012 18:51:01 GMT -5
The wife says, the wife means :
The wife says: we need, the wife means: I want.
The wife says: It's your decision, the wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want, the wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk, the wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: I'n not upset, the wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're so manly, the wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient, the wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains, the wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes, the wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there, the wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise, the wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?, the wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?, the wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute, the wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?, the wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate, the wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: I'm sorry, the wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?, the wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: Was that the baby?, the wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!, the wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 22, 2012 18:57:54 GMT -5
No wonder someone is still single. Tut  ^^  |
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Post by kechibam on Oct 22, 2012 19:05:38 GMT -5
I'm sure most men would agree  ;D. Tut tut!! |
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Post by leilani on Oct 22, 2012 19:55:33 GMT -5
You have to remember the 4 key phrases every man should know. Yes dear. You're right dear. It was all my fault. I'm sorry. ;D My grandmother used to always tell me no matter what the argument never go to bed mad. Which is why every home needs a nice couch.  So here's a few suggestions of what not to say: My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ---------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ---------- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive... So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ---------- After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.' And then the fight started... ---------- My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on Celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2012 21:14:41 GMT -5
For the cat lovers! Attachments:
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 22, 2012 21:27:23 GMT -5
Kelly...he he he My cats get only bottled water. I wouldn't make my enemy drink this- whatever comes out of the tab here in phoenix. Yuck!! |
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Post by newzealander on Oct 22, 2012 22:28:11 GMT -5
LOL Leilani - all so true. But to show we are not wife-biased...
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
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Post by kechibam on Oct 23, 2012 12:09:26 GMT -5
Wife: Honey can u help me with the garden??
Husband: Do I look like a gardener??
Wife: Honey the toilet is broken!!
Husband: Do I look like a plumber??
(Later the husband went out for lunch..& when he came back everything was fixed)
Husband: Did u fix all of this??
Wife: No, the neighbor's son did.
Husband: Oh ok.
Wife: He said I had to make him a burger or sleep with him.
Husband: U gave him the burger right??
Wife: Do I look like burger king??
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 12:35:45 GMT -5
Great jokes! Lol!! ;D Attachments:
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Post by leilani on Oct 24, 2012 18:10:11 GMT -5
Hubby sent this one to me.
Advice for an old guy.....
I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in.
I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"
The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."
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Post by kechibam on Oct 25, 2012 10:54:12 GMT -5
Lol that's funny Leilani! +1
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, ‘That’s quite a heavy drink. What’s wrong?’
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, ‘I found my wife in bed with my best friend.’
‘Wow,’ says the barkeep. ‘What’d you do?’
‘I walked over to my wife,’ the man replies, ‘looked her straight in the eye, and told her to pack her stuff and get the hell out.’
‘That makes sense,’ says the bartender. ‘And what about your best friend?’
‘I walked over, looked him right in the eye, and yelled, ‘Bad dog!’’
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 25, 2012 14:43:59 GMT -5
A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."
"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"
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Post by kechibam on Oct 25, 2012 17:39:30 GMT -5
Been kinda quiet around these parts lately...maybe I should bribe people with franchises. A franchise per joke ;D hmmmm...that might work. Anyhoo, time for another joke ;D Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, ‘Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?’ The nine-year-old replies ‘Nope, not for my mom.’ Without thinking, the cashier responded ‘Well, they must be for your sister then?’ The nine year old quipped, ‘Nope, not for my sister either.’ The cashier had now become curious ‘Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?’ The nine year old says, ‘They're for my four year old little brother.’ The cashier is surprised ‘Your four year old little brother?’ The nine year old explains: ‘Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them.’ |
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Post by Snibull on Nov 7, 2012 21:16:15 GMT -5
I've always liked random funnies, so here's one for the day.  Sni |
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Post by newzealander on Nov 7, 2012 23:01:35 GMT -5
Hahaha + 1 Sni, cause I can relate to that so well!!  |
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Post by kechibam on Nov 10, 2012 10:35:54 GMT -5
Haven't posted in this thread in awhile...here it comes! ;D
Q: How do you get 200 sweet, little old ladies to say the F-word at the same time?
A: Get another little old lady to shout "BINGO!!!
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters ‘Well I guess that answers that riddle’.
Three men died and stood in front of God.
God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.
The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a midsize car.
The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.
A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. ‘What's the matter?’ ‘I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!’
A married couple went to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic...
When they got home, they found the postman dead on the porch.
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^^
;D. Tut tut!! 
Aug 23, 2013 2:15:12 GMT -5
Aug 23, 2013 2:15:12 GMT -5
and a lot of information will be out of date.
Sept 8, 2013 14:59:20 GMT -5
and a lot of information will be out of date.
Sept 8, 2013 14:59:20 GMT -5