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Post by kechibam on Oct 16, 2012 17:04:10 GMT -5
There seems to be a lot of jokesters in this forum with jokes in random threads all over the place. Thought it might be appropriate to start a thread dedicated just for jokes. We all need a few laughs every so often. Bombs away! ;D. Keep it fun and clean  . A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, ‘You need more tail.’ The guy turns to his son and says, ‘Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!’ |
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Post by Raven on Oct 16, 2012 17:15:30 GMT -5
Hahahaha - love it  what a good idea Kech ! |
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Post by kechibam on Oct 16, 2012 18:56:58 GMT -5
Thx raven! A joke a day keeps the doctor away! Where's Amstel? Thought for sure she has a couple of jokes up her sleeves  A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife 'Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home now Mother of Six?’ His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, ‘Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!’ |
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Post by CoolMan!! on Oct 16, 2012 19:18:33 GMT -5
Funny Blonde Joke
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Post by kechibam on Oct 16, 2012 19:33:47 GMT -5
Doh! Lol good one coolman!
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, ‘Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.’ The grandfather replies, ‘I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.’ The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, ‘Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.’ The grandfather replies, ‘I know. That's from your grandma.’
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Post by Raven on Oct 16, 2012 20:03:57 GMT -5
Ams is looking for work Kech - hope this job isn't gender specific!!! It's sort of a joke!!!! Lol Attachments:
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 16, 2012 22:05:06 GMT -5
Ams is looking for work Kech - hope this job isn't gender specific!!! It's sort of a joke!!!! Lol Raven!!! You found my new boyfriend!!! You are such a good friend.  Eating dinner here. Almost choked on my food!!! LMAO!! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2012 22:31:55 GMT -5
Great jokes guys!!! LMAO!
Got a bad knock knock joke!
Knock knock,
Who's there??
Panther!
Panther who?
Panther no pants I'm going swimming!
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Post by newzealander on Oct 16, 2012 22:40:40 GMT -5
Loving this! Thanks, Derek for starting the joke thing over there in the other thread. What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? They have the same middle name |
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Post by kechibam on Oct 17, 2012 11:43:29 GMT -5
Lol love it! Good ones, ladies! ;D
A husband and wife decided they needed to use ‘code’ to indicate that they wanted to have some "fun" without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, ‘Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter’.
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, ‘Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.’ The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, ‘Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.’
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, ‘Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.’
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 17, 2012 11:51:24 GMT -5
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs ;D
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Post by kechibam on Oct 17, 2012 12:08:09 GMT -5
There she is! ;D
Q: What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
A: Kinky: You use the feather.
Perverted: You use the whole chicken.
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Post by dawnmc1977 on Oct 17, 2012 12:31:40 GMT -5
There she is! ;D Q: What is the difference between kinky and perverted? A: Kinky: You use the feather. Perverted: You use the whole chicken.  Spat my coffee out! Lol ;D |
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 17, 2012 12:35:28 GMT -5
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".
"What?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!
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Post by dawnmc1977 on Oct 17, 2012 12:44:40 GMT -5
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
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Post by coco on Oct 17, 2012 13:07:33 GMT -5
One day, a man and his wife visit a farm with many cows and bulls...
At one point, they capture a scene , where the bull does "the work" with the cow.
When the bull finish , the wife very excited , asks the cowboy who was right next to them:
- Hey! Mister! One question ! ... -How many times a day , this bull do "his work" ?
- Well ... 7-8 times a day! replied the cowboy.
She touch her husband with the elbow, and say:
-Did you hear that!!! wow!
The husband , because he didn't want to be looked like an impotent, asks the cowboy:
-But ... Mister! Umm ... - With the same cow?
-NO! NO! said the cowboy.
The husband touch her wife with the elbow, and say:
-Did you hear that!!!
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Post by dawnmc1977 on Oct 17, 2012 13:21:50 GMT -5
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
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Post by Raven on Oct 17, 2012 14:14:17 GMT -5
 love them all!!!! Lol |
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Post by Geordie on Oct 17, 2012 15:54:51 GMT -5
A young boy opens his biggest present on the morning of his 7th birthday. " A cowboy suit!, yee haa! "
All excited with his new suit, he wastes no time by dressing into the cowboy suit fully equipped with two colt cap guns in holsters.
With his friends, he runs around outside his home with guns blazing, BANG, BANG!!
Just then, an ice cream van pulls over. All the kids run screaming to their homes wanting money. The birthday boy is next in line. The lady in the van asks him, " Hi son, what would you like? ". The boy replies, " Its my birthday, and i'd like a huge ice cream please". "Oh, happy birthday" she says. " Would you also like crushed nuts? " The little boy draws his guns and snaps " Do you want yer t*ts blown off!? "
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Post by foxxland on Oct 17, 2012 18:45:49 GMT -5
When I saw this, I was like ;D Then I saw the part that said keep it clean and I was like  I don't think I know any clean jokes  And I thought I would just have to  Then I decided to tell you a gay joke But screw it |
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what a good idea Kech ! 
