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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 17, 2012 18:57:44 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing.
Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
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Post by kechibam on Oct 17, 2012 19:09:43 GMT -5
When I saw this, I was like ;D Then I saw the part that said keep it clean and I was like  I don't think I know any clean jokes  And I thought I would just have to  Then I decided to tell you a gay joke  But screw it  Lol sweet and to the point. Excellent usage of emoticons ;D Post first and ask questions later...the mods have the power of deletion |
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Post by Snibull on Oct 17, 2012 20:57:47 GMT -5
Kech, you've made club captain! Attachments:
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Post by Snibull on Oct 17, 2012 22:06:23 GMT -5
This thread is going to end up with someone offending or being offended if we don't keep a few things in mind. There is a time out chair. Currently occupied, but we can find another  The forum allows for off-topic talk, playing games, chit-chatting about MT2 and life, movies, books, joke, etc... It is also recognized, although not sponsored, by Booyah. Most important to this thread, we welcome members age 13+. Please keep these things in mind when posting. Carry on, have fun. |
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Post by derekville on Oct 17, 2012 22:09:50 GMT -5
So three blondes walk into a bar and order some drinks. They are congratulating and toasting one of them. Curious, the batman walks up and asks what they are celebrating.
'Well, my boyfriend said I was dumb, so I decided to prove him wrong by doing a jigsaw puzzle. I did it too! And it only took me three weeks when the box said 2-4 years!'
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Post by derekville on Oct 17, 2012 22:12:18 GMT -5
OK... Here is a choose you ethnic group to victimize joke. For the sake of simplicity, I will choose Australians.
Q: what do you call Australians with an IQ of 150?
A: a village.
I think I originally heard it about Newfies...
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Post by derekville on Oct 17, 2012 22:15:17 GMT -5
To show I am not racist, here is an interesting fact about Australia:
Did you know in 1854' the Australians invented the condom? They used a sheep's intestine. However, it was not until 1867 that New Zealanders invented a portable version.
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Post by derekville on Oct 17, 2012 22:40:44 GMT -5
Sorry, posted a rude joke b4 I read snibull's comment. That's why I thought animal jokes was a good thing , non-offensive.
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Post by newzealander on Oct 17, 2012 23:23:04 GMT -5
Loving this thread!! Sticking with the animal theme....
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"
To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!!
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Post by newzealander on Oct 17, 2012 23:37:56 GMT -5
And....
Recently the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched a hotline for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussion with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 18, 2012 1:01:09 GMT -5
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy!!  |
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Post by coco on Oct 18, 2012 3:47:53 GMT -5
The husband waits near the beauty salon. After a long time, his wife comes out.
He look, breathe deeply and say:
-Well ... at least you tried .
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Post by leilani on Oct 18, 2012 5:17:55 GMT -5
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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Post by foxxland on Oct 18, 2012 8:32:21 GMT -5
I thought I would expand on the forum rules, as I understand them, as to not waste anyone's time sharing jokes that are not allowed here.
Jokes are widely described as needing to be PG-13, since membership can be for 13 year olds or above. But that is not true. Jokes need to be G rated at most, preferably lighter.
PG-13 means parental guidance is suggested. I understand this as I have a 9 year old daughter and I monitor what she does online as much as I monitor what she watches on TV. So when a 41 year old, college educated adult such as myself sees a PG-13 limit on jokes, which I love, I assume that the guideline would be the same as a PG-13 rated movie, but that is not the case.
A pg-13 movie would be allowed to use words that will be censored here, for example, the initials b and j are allowed in a pg-13 movie, but not here, unless you are a golf fan and are discussing BJ Singh. If you use the letters A, S, and S, you better be referring to Eeore the donkey from Winnie the Pooh, otherwise, that would be censored as well as I understand it.
Kech's joke about the boyscouts, funny as heck, was censored because it referenced screwing and did not involve nuts, bolts, or tools of any kind....well one tool, but I can't reference that or I would violate the forum rules as I understand them.
As an amateur humorist, I understand that what is considered acceptable varies by race and culture. There are some parts of the world that still consider it normal to marry your daughter off to a man she has never met at an age as young as 13, as well as people who believe in a cause or theory so much, they would die for it. Both of these things offend me, and trust me when I say I am not easily offended. But the use of words or humor that would be allowed in a PG-13 movie, song, or video game would never offend me. But for this forum, most of that material is frowned upon, and will be censored. If you have a doubt, I would suggest this. Ask yourself if your joke can go on a laffy taffy wrapper. If that answer is yes, you should be good. Otherwise, you might want to send your joke to a moderator first, but then you are still risking your waste of time, if the joke is deemed offensive. My ultimate suggestion is this. Keep all topics game oriented only and do away with the jokes. Or change the description to g rated, clean children jokes only. Otherwise, as the forum grows its membership, the mods will find themselves censoring on a daily basis.
Now, I want to create a business, a salon, and call it "Get Teased and Nailed". I wonder if Booyah will censor me after I create that?
Everyone have a great day, but before I go, since this is a joke subject tag line, I leave you with this....
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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Post by Raven on Oct 18, 2012 10:00:21 GMT -5
It is a fine line Foxxland - I'd still rather the jokes go on the "general" side than not - I will defer to Solsville's decision when he returns (timeframe unknown)
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Post by Amstel Bear Hugs on Oct 18, 2012 12:01:08 GMT -5
I do not think this is about forum rules and censorship, rather more about offending and having hurt feelings.
Humor should not be offensive to the ordinary or reasonable person. It is meant to leave people feeling good. Remember, every joke has a victim. It is up to the storyteller to make sure that the victim of the joke is an appropriate target and to be careful not to offend.
What one person finds funny or entertaining, another person may find offensive. When that happens, complaints will be made and that's when the mod’s have to step in.
When there's any type of prejudice involved - racial humor, making fun of someone's disability, physical appearance, gender biased humor and any sexually based humor, most likely this will be inappropriate.
The joke about the screwing was not “censored” because it referenced screwing. It was more about who was getting screwed and who was doing the screwing. I personally was not offended by the joke, but the point is it must have made someone uncomfortable, or a complaint would not have been made and we should respect that.
As Snibull stated, the forum allows for off-topic talk, playing games, chit-chatting about MT2 and life, and I personally hope this will continue. We are here to have fun and should not walk away feeling uncomfortable or attacked.
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Post by kechibam on Oct 18, 2012 12:38:19 GMT -5
I must first apologize if any of my jokes offended anyone. It was not my intention . This thread was started so we can share a few laughs and to get away from the mundane world of MT2 life. I, for one, do not get easily offended at all. I take all jokes with a grain of salt and realize what they really are...jokes. But I can see how some people may take issue with certain jokes. For this, I ask that all jokes related to religion, sexual orientation, race and human genitalias be excluded. There is a fine line with those subjects and I've obviously crossed the line with the priest joke. Again, my apologies. Last one before I take my rightful place on the "time out" throne. The Perfect Day - Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love 11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms The Perfect Day - Him 6:45 Alarm 7:00 Shower and massage 7:30 BJ Singh 7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section. 8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys 8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens. 12:30 BJ Singh 12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini. 3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap. 6:15 BJ Singh 6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit. 7:30 poop, shower, shave. 8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal. 9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero 10:30 "cuddle" with 3 women, all from different countries 11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight BJ Singh. Sleep Lighten up people, lets not take things too seriously. It's all in good fun! |
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Post by derekville on Oct 18, 2012 16:31:48 GMT -5
OK, so three blondes are hiking in the woods when the see tracks on the ground. The first one says 'look! Deer tracks!', but the second one says 'No, they're moose tracks'. The last one says 'no you're both wrong, they're bear tracks!'. Then a train hits them.
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Post by derekville on Oct 18, 2012 18:30:50 GMT -5
Oh, FYI Kech, although I loathe and despise golf, I am pretty sure it is Vijay, not BJ Singh. I think he is Fijian.
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Post by kechibam on Oct 18, 2012 19:17:26 GMT -5
Phew! Time out is officially over ;D U are correct, Derek...nice catch. It's Vijay Singh and he is Fijian. I worked off of foxxland's post and went with BJ Singh as "BJ" went better with the joke . Golf Joke-- If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. -National Lampoon |
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The forum allows for off-topic talk, playing games, chit-chatting about MT2 and life, movies, books, joke, etc... It is also recognized, although not sponsored, by Booyah. Most important to this thread, we welcome members age 13+.
